Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
