The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
