Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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