I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
