there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
