It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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