lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
