I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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