dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
