Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
