You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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