Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dear god my vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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