Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
