I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
