it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
