Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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