your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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