she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize