I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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