i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
