I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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