Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
