I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
