That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
