Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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