ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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