fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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