I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
