Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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