So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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