How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
