just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
