You don't have asthma, your pregnant
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
