im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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