You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
