oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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