Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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