you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
