Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
