I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She bit a glass in half.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
