If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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