He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
