I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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