just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
