Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
