Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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