mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
