if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize