i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
