watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
