My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
