Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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