So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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