wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
