i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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