my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
