In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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