do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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