I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
