i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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