I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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