i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
