god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
