I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
