I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
