I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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