New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You ruined the universe
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
