she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize