Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
