Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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