Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize