i was born a porn star she said
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
