Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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