you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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