woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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