Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
