dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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