Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
