Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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