I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They took my balls.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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