Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize