when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
