i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
