If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
