erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize