He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
