I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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