based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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