Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
