You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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