I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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