oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
