Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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