2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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