her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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