I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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