During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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