Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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