someone owes me an orgasm
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
