i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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