My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
