So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My bed smells like the plague
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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