I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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