She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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