You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
