I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize